


Clow is a dick

by yuudachi



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Crack, Explicit Language, Gen, Humor, OOC, just wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-28 18:20:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3864949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuudachi/pseuds/yuudachi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which we learn why Clow created some of the Clow Cards and is totally in character.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clow is a dick

**Author's Note:**

> i'm fairly sure this is canon

Clow Reed lounged in his chair, dangling his legs over the red arms while idly flipping through pages of his comic book.

"Oh man," he said aloud, "This shit is hilarious."

Without looking, he reached a hand over to the stand next to the chair toward the bowl of chips he expected. After fruitlessly feeling around, he looked up and saw it wasn't there and remembered it was on the table a few feet too far from him.

"Move," he mumbled, going back to looking at the comic book. After sprouting wings only briefly, the bowl disappeared and then reappeared on the night stand a split second later.

He popped a chip in his mouth immediately, crunching loudly, swallowing, and going, "I'm so glad I made that card. So convenient."

He ate another chip and said between munches, "I'm great."

Keroberos looked up at him from his curled up form and said with mix of mild confusion and irritation, "Master, you know we're your Guardians, right? Yue or I could have easily gotten the bowl for you or whatever else the Move card can--"

"Shut the fuck up, Kero," Clow said, not looking up from his comic. "You don't even have hands, bro."

Kero lowered his ears, but persisted, "But..."

"Ohhh my god," Clow slurred, swinging his head over to give Kero an incredulous look, "Kero, shut the fuck up. I should just, like, make a Shut Up card. Like, The Shut Up."

Clow snorted loudly as his own idea, mumbling with amusement, "Haha, oh my god, The Shut Up."

Kero refrained from any more remarks, knowing Clow was in one of his moods where he'd be instantly put down the moment he said anything, so he instead settled for sulking and sighing loudly.

"I really should, actually," Clow continued, now looking a bit more serious as he considered the card creation, "That'd be tight."

He swung his legs back on the ground, letting the comic book fall to the floor without a second thought-- Yue would clean that up anyway. He reached for the key necklace around his neck, held it up and opened his palm as it floated up and glowed brightly.

"Oh key that holds the power of darkness, do the... thing. You know. The thing."

At his command, the key shone brighter as it stretched out and the rays of sun on it extended, forming the ever familiar staff. Clow gripped it dramatically out of habit, but once the staff had formed, he let it wobble precariously in his hand to-and-fro as he looked up and seemed to be thinking casually the same way someone would try to figure out a quick math problem.

"Okay, got it."

He raised the staff up into the air as it glowed again, filling the room with blinding light. Kero looked up again and watched with amazement. As much as Clow was an arrogant snothead at times, his familiarity and grace with magic was unparalleled. A hazy rectangular shape appeared above the sun-shaped head of the staff and gradually began to solidify into the form of a card.

The light died down and the card drifted into the expectantly open hand of Clow's. The staff dwindled back down to a key shape.

"The Silence, huh?" he said, "I guess that's a more elegant way to put The Shut Up."

"Honestly," Keroberos remarked, "I'd hate to see the cards named after what you actually thought of at first. I remember you kept saying 'BUUUURN, BUUUURN!!' as you created The Firey."

"Pffft," responded Clow, "The BUUUURN Card would have been a great name. Okay, time to test this baby out. "

Suddenly Clow jumped up from his chair, barely able to contain himself as he cried out "OH! OH! DUDE! I just had a great idea!"

"YUE! YUE!!," he yelled, "Come over here!"

Not a moment too soon, Yue's flapping was heard before he appeared in the room and settled into a slight bow before him. In his usual repressed and eager manner, Yue said, "Yes, Master?"

Clow smiled warmly at him. "How goes the clean up in the library?"

"It goes well. Considering that this is my third time you have me cleaning it this week, there wasn't much to do. I decided to rearrange the Western magic section according to subject, if that's okay with you. Before, it was arranged by--"

Yue's mouth kept moving but no sound came out as the newly formed card in Clow's hand glowed from behind his back. Yue looked startled for a moment and Clow bit back a shit-eating grin. Kero, too, couldn't help but suppress a grin at Yue's baffled face.

Yue opened his mouth to start again, stopped, and look utterly confused.

"What's that?" Clow said, "Arranged by what?"

Yue soundlessly said something again, and then bit his lip and frowned when he realized this was most definitely happening on purpose.

"Come on, Yue, this is very important," Kero attempted to add seriously, but was quickly breaking down into smile.

Yue looked back and forth between the two helplessly, mouthed what was obviously a frustrated, "Master!" before crossing his arms. With the silver angel's usually elegant face contorted into utter frustration and offense, Kero and Clow broke into loud guaffawing.

"OHH MY GOD, look at his face," Clow said between fits of laughter, gripping his chair for support, "He toootally fell for it!"

"Holy shit!" Keroberos cried out, tears in his eyes as he pounded the ground, "You're such a fucking, dick, Clow!"

Yue stood there and sulked.


End file.
